Josna Rege

131. Across the Miles

In 1960s, 1980s, 2010s, Britain, Family, Immigration, India, Inter/Transnational, Stories, United States on December 4, 2011 at 2:27 am

Piccadilly Circus, from Cousin Sue

Throughout my childhood, living thousands of miles from family on both sides, we treasured every piece of mail, especially at Christmastime (see St. Nicholas’ Day). There was no such thing as junk mail, so every single letter, parcel, or card we received was personal, most often from a family member far away. We savored every single new card as it arrived, identifying the sender by the handwriting on the envelope, admiring the stamps (with me eyeing them for my collection), marveling at the colors, the artwork, and the quality of the card stock, reading and re-reading the loving greeting, giving it pride of place in the living room, and adding it to the running count of the number we had received to date. When I set up a household of my own I began sending and receiving my own cards, and still delight in the tradition and treasure all that it signifies.

Stamps from Magical Realms (set of 9), Royal Mail

I wouldn’t dream of imposing any sense of obligation upon people who choose not to send holiday cards, have perforce trimmed down their list, or now send electronic greetings. (This year a dear friend has sent me an electronic Advent calendar, which is bringing me as much delight with each new day as did the paper ones of yore.) I know that my loved ones love me whether or not they send me a card and, given the stress that accompanies the season, have no desire to add to it. Nevertheless, I note the decline of the practice with some sadness, not least because of what it means for the venerable institution of the Post Office.

My season starts at the Post Office with the selection of the holiday stamps, as I weigh the different domestic and international options. The USPS holiday stamps have never been as glorious or imaginative as those from the U.K., but nevertheless one still has the choice between a Christian Madonna and Child, a generic holiday or seasonal-themed stamp, and ones marking Chanukah or Kwanzaa.

Choosing the cards is much harder but also much more fun. I try to choose  UNICEF cards or others made by companies who donate at least part of their proceeds to a charity, but sadly, our town library no longer has its annual UNICEF-card sale and the local stores have a very limited selection of such cards. I can spend hours poring over the options, what with my quirky personal taste and the myriad criteria in choosing cards for all the different friends and family members on my list. If I like the picture on the front, the greeting inside might not be appropriate; the card might be too religious, not Christmassy enough, too ordinary, too American, not American enough, not seasonal enough, or offensive to my aesthetic or cultural sensibilities in some subtle but indefinable way. For many years I chose snowy New England scenes for the New Year’s greetings to our Indian family because I thought that the wintry landscapes might bring with them an agreeable chill (and perhaps would make them glad of the relative mildness of their own winter season). For seven successive years in the 1980s, Eve, Andrew, and I issued letterpress-printed winter solstice cards from Whetstone Press, and every season I search the shops in vain for cards that can measure up to them in my eyes.

Robin Redbreast, from Uncle Ted

Our family in England strive to capture a quintessentially English Christmas for us. Their “Across the Miles” cards liberally feature Robin Redbreasts, pillar boxes, double-decker buses, and blazing Christmas puddings, guaranteed to pull at the heartstrings. Dear Auntie Bette, the family matriarch, invariably sends the biggest Across the Miles card, and often dispatches a second for good measure if she finds one that has a message she prefers or that better conveys the spirit of Christmas Past.

Handmade by Sally (rubber stamps by Stamp Francisco)

A few of our friends make their own cards, and we look forward eagerly to the new edition every year. Friends with small children send us beautiful photos of their beaming faces, and we marvel at how much they’ve grown, thinking fondly back on the days when we still had a child at home. Some, especially the English relatives, send their cards bright and early (Uncle Len’s and Auntie Angy’s was always the first to arrive, making sure to beat the Christmas rush). Others, particularly our Indian family members, send them in time for New Year, and still others, the Ukrainian branch of the family, time them to arrive by January 7th, Russian Orthodox Christmas.

Cross-Country Ski, by Jim Meyer—from Jenny

Every year, no matter how Scrooge-like I resolve to be, the arrival of each new card, carrying across the miles the loving spirit of the person who painstakingly sought it out or created it, ineluctably erodes my Grinchiness, wearing away my resistance until I simply give up and let the magic enter in.

Peace on Earth, Goodwill to All!

Dove of Peace, from Imre and Lorna

Across the Miles, from Auntie Bette

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Chronological Table of Contents

  1. Reblogged this on Tell Me Another and commented:

    Re-posting this from the TMA archives, 10 years ago. Thinking of my dear Auntie Bette on her birthday. She would have been 101 today, and lived into her 100th year (leaving us just as COVID-19 arrived).


  2. I love Christmas cards, too, and am sad to see them dwindling. We used to cover the mantlepiece with them, and then hung them on strings on the chimney wall over the mantle when we ran out of room, and then we’d have to clear off space on the end tables and any other surface we could find. It was wonderful.

    A note: I’d forgotten that English robins are entirely different from American robins! Such cute little fellas, aren’t they?


    • My mother would do the same, Sarah, stringing a bunch of them up like garlands as well as the ones on all the available surfaces. I find myself arranging them by shape and color, noticing styles that are popular that year, and generally having fun with them.

      Until you mentioned this, I hadn’t realized how different the two robins were (shows how observant I am!), so I looked them up on youtube. I found a short videoclip of an English robin singing, and another of a healthy-looking American robin—which, apparently, is a kind of thrush. You learn something new every day. x J


  3. Lovely, Jo. I well remember some of the Whetstone Press Solstice cards — eagerly awaited, sadly missed. Merry merry to all of you! xxoo, –McNance


    • Thanks, McNance, and to you too. It occurs to me that we probably issued the last solstice card the year Nikhil was born, and he is a Solstice baby. Not sure what the link is, or if there is one, but in any case, it’s nearly 27 years later and high time we started another series of them. x J


  4. The days of Christmas cards may be dwindling but the the delight in getting them certainly has not and in years when I find it difficult to muster up the energy to write them, I find myself eventually sending some anyway to my nearest and dearest. Next year is a fall-back position which usually comes around all too soon and I have sometimes simply sent cards back to the people who bothered to send us one the previous year.

    It is a lovely old tradition and seems sad to give up altogether.

    I am hoping the new generation of grandchildren will revive it with home-made cards once again. Those were always my favourite anyway!

    Glad you are enjoying the Advent Calendar! It is beautifully made!

    Merry Christmas!


    • Perhaps, as the number of cards dwindle, we will treasure them all the more. And yes, younger generations revive traditions unexpectedly—like Nikhil’s generation returning to the manual typewriting. Remember potato-print cards?!
      P.S. I must have decorated and redecorated that tree on your electronic Advent Calendar a dozen times—by myself, with Andrew and with my Mom. Thanks and Merry Christmas back to you, Marianne! x J


  5. You brought back the childhood counting-of and waiting-for holiday cards…and how special those were from friends and family from all over. I love this post.


    • Thank you, Sejal. Yes, these small rituals are what make family life so rich and sustaining. And thank you for sharing my posts on your wall (embarrassing as I sometimes find it!). x J


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